There's so many "types" of relationships that you have to go through to really be able to understand the one you're in. To be in love with someone, in reality, is an everyday evolution of your feelings, emotional surprises, disappointments and so on...Do you ever ask yourself, why are you in love with that person?
Well, today I can give you 1000 reasons set and stone of why it wasn't the guy himself that I loved but more my projections of what I wish he could be or what I wish our relationship could be.
Here's the thing, a lot of women think that they are in love but they are actually "tortured" by not having what they want in that particular relationship so they create projections of hopes, beliefs and wishes of how it should be. The trigger to that are often loneliness, daddy issues...(sorry i'm not sorry), not being able to stay single and desperately needing male presence and affection. The problem is that you will drive the other person away because your projections tends to advance your feelings at full speed, meanwhile your guy is still getting used to the idea of you and you're like..where's my ring? It doesn't work like that and he will run...not to the man cave honey...but to the man's unicorn land and believe me you're never getting the address to that one.
As a human being, it is quite irrational to fall in love with someone who's not giving you anything to built a loving relationship with, before even getting to that stage, a loving relationship takes time, comfort, intimacy,disagreements, agreements, laughter and communication, genuine communication. When you don't have these things to hold on to built your "love me" case to the jury, you basically don't make any sense and your human behavior underlies emotional issues.
I remember once, dating this man that ultimately now that I look back, knew nothing about. He wasn't very nice, pushed me away and what I really thought I enjoyed about him were my own fantasies of him...I was so sure that perhaps I'd wake up one morning with some superwoman magic powder to blow in his face and make him fall for me...obviously, it didn't work out between us :-P
Even though these feelings, which I thought were true feelings, they made my mind go crazy, they brought pain and I didn't understand what was happening. I was facing my own demons and hoping that his soul would help me, that he'd bring everything that I've always desired...meanwhile the fucker lived his life peacefully and good for him because he knew we weren't meant to be, my mistake was that I took it personal and fought for something that In time, revealed itself has meaningless.
1/6/2015 0 Comments
We all know those quotes, that are quite cheezzzyy "Love like it's your last day" or "enjoy it while you can" I mean we've heard them...but do we really grasp what it really means? Do we feel it vibrate in us when we hear it, and more importantly, do we live by these rules? unfortunately, we don't and that's fortunately because of our thoughts that are not reminding us at every heartbeat that it could end. Only Sundays do that...I hate Sundays.
Although, people who have experienced traumatic, sudden loss will see the world differently and their behavior will change...towards everything. Only someone who's received that electric shock can fully understand what I mean and that's why it's unfair: If you have someone close to you who's been through that kind of pain, really try to understand what is going on if certain situations that you are confronted with are confusing to you because of their behavior.
I've lost quite a few people in my life, they meant the world to me... each one of them were in a blink of an eye...I will always remember the phone call, or the screams, or how I felt in my body at that moment...like an outer body experience where you observe yourself being destroyed by uncontrollable, burning, paralyzing pain, the world starts spinning and everything shatters..and then something magical happens...your survival instinct. You become the strongest person on this earth, after the numbness of every single part of your body, you get up and do everything that needs to be done...if it's a close relative, you might end up having a lot of paperwork and other dumb stuff to take care of..because life can suck like that which, funny enough, I was thankful for because I didn't have the opportunity to THINK...after that came the process of grieving.
When that's all done and we're back to moving on with our lives, who are we?
we're pretty much paranoid...that's a fact my little bunnies, we all of a sudden have new scenarios in our heads under the "catastrophic" section. It can get quite creative. I'm kidding, but i'm not really... and that's because we've had a taste of some kind of Fucked up reality...and my oh my it's bitter.
On the brighter side, we're pretty laid back little fuckers who could care less if they get a parking ticket...get the idea? the little things, don't matter anymore.
we're the ones who will wake up on a random day and cry because of a wave of sadness, grief and the inability to see the person anymore is too painful. for some reason, on that day...why? who the fuck knows. They're called waves...like an emotional roller coaster, that goes by waves. Better get your surfing gear my friend.
we're the ones who are fearful of certain dates because there are a reminder...
we're the ones who are scared that anything could happen to the ones we love...Our fears have shifted to another reality, another spectrum of life, we value life and we realize how quickly everything can change. We absolutely don't mean to freak anyone out or bring the blues but...the worst happened to us and we've dealt with it. We're just soldiers who are surviving. You can't erase a scar...you can only heal it.
We have changed in some ways because of the aftermath from coping, for example, I know for a fact that I get worried easily, I don't mean to and I am very aware it can get annoying..hihiihihihi oh well, *brush ma shoulders'off* so for the people who faced traumatic losses, let alone gruesome details that they have to cope with and just the simple question "why?" that will resonate quite often... it is imperative that if you haven't experience anything like that, thank Gawddd, that you try to understand how a person would be different from the others and why is that.
A curtain has been closed or opened depending on your way to see things...to me, it opened...I understand more what it means to love someone, to touch them, feel them, listen to their heartbeat..observe life, the beauty of some places, sunrise, ocean...again, of course it's cheezy, until you've faced the unimaginable, then it's just a way of living. Living is the key word here.
Let's imagine changing who we are was as easy as walking into a store across the street, well, let's just say we would all look alike because what we want is always the same thing: perfection. What is perfection? and why are we getting so obsessed with it? I think that the magazines, facebook and instagram are quite the little demons in this generation.
The truth is all of the magazines and social media are an embellishment of what we think our lives "should be" and that is really sad, our life shouldn't be or should be a certain way. We should just live our lives the way we want without having society telling us we don't live it the right way. It's quite difficult to run away from the desire to be prettier, skinnier, wealthier, happier, funnier, healthier, hotter...when that's all we see. It's like a frozen meal beautifully placed in a plate that makes your mouth water because it looks appealing and... that's about it.
Social media has become a measuring scale for beauty & some, It's really hard to compete, practically impossible. The superwoman and superheroes on my feed are out of this world, hey buddy, you ever get any pimples? hey girl, you ever get bloated...like ever? a little? are you even human? that's what crosses my mind at times. I'm actually quite aware that who I am, will never change. Yes, i'd love to be taller...damn it, I should've had more soup growing up...oh and my hips..they are like these students that attended school E-V-E-R-Y-D-A-Y. bitches be present! what can I say? I love my bread, and Photoshop makes me want to give it up sometimes...NO! I SAY NO!
Basically, our virtual life is so damn perfect, I mean if we didn't know any better we'd assume you're never working, making tons of money, living in the Caribbeans 11 months on 12, you never gain weight, you sure don't have hormonal issues and you got the perfect relationship on a 365 days basis. I mean shit, what's your secret?
For instance, some instagram accounts are very impressive, take @hunnies_allure, amazing account regrouping all the most gorgeous girls of the instagram...well, go ahead and swim in paradise but ladies, don't ever feel self-conscious or not beautiful enough to truly be yourself. With that said I have asked the owner of the page, the one known as Mr. Grey ;) to give his view as he is well aware of how social media portrays body image:
Body image is a complicated aspect of the self-concept that concerns an individual's perceptions and feelings about their body and physical appearance (Cash & Pruzinsky, 2002) Now, I consider myself aptly positioned to view such a shrouded topic- I mean- I'm a male, run a successful Instagram page and sex, it sells right? 2014 has seen an explosion of the need to 'fit in' and conversely, an implosion of confidence and expectations.
I meet women of different ilk, different shapes and different sizes- and I can honestly say that most males won't know the 'perfect' shape....simply because there are so many damn variables! Shit, remember when Victoria's Secret said Kate Upton was too "fat" to model for them? Now voted sexiest woman alive- Seems the so called experts got it very wrong.
Women: you need to remember that you won't be everyone's taste, hell why would you want to be?! Do I like fit bodies? Yes I do because I am an avid weight trainer but I am also a fan of anyone that looks after their health - the sexiness comes from confidence and how YOU project it. IG is littered with implants, butt fillers and the like- I have nothing at all against them but to assume you will achieve results with a magic pill or one exercise is naive to say the least. If you look in the mirror and feel insecure- that's fine, we all do- Porn has guys thinking only a lamppost for a penis will suffice your everyday partner- See what I mean? The question is what you do about it. Worrying about how a paid model looks in her pics will only lead to a pool of anxiety and probable psychosis (studies prove this) when you know its the pic chosen from 20 selfies taken at that time!
I've seen this blog owner with and without makeup and I can assure you- as a guy I was refreshed to see how pretty a face could be left natural- so know this- you are stunning as standard, you're obligation is to you yourself, to become the best version of yourself for YOU!
Sex sells in the short run...confidence will sell itself long term.
Mr. Grey. @Hunnies_allure
The standard of beauty is having a very flat stomach, huge boobs, long skinny legs, skull looking-like cheekbones and big fat lips... what would Audrey Hepburn say?
Now, a lot of girls do look like that, some are highly criticized, one said " I know i'm not everyone cup of tea and that's okay." I agree with her, although my thought is, what pushed you to get double D'S in the first place? I can't imagine growing up and naturally wanting two huge balloons graft on my upper body unless it came from a false very convincing influence that the new generation is surrounded by.
Bottom line, perfection comes in different flavors, indeed, although no one actually looks like there retouched, filtered, angled picture and I have pictures on my own account where I even surprise myself! ha! well, look at that! I don't look the same at all when I wake up or when I walk down the street! believe me. I am damn photogenic, i'll give you that but so are all these girls and guys. Some of us are blessed in a lot of different aspects but that doesn't make you less or better than anyone in this world to the point of changing yourself to look pretty much like plastic. Learn to love yourself, the real you, the natural you. People will admire you more for being you than trying to be something you're not. You don't need to tweak your appearance because of a snapshot of someone's reality, imagine all the things that a single snapshot can hide.
J. & Mr. Grey
Here's a few of my favorite that I use daily to keep a natural look:
Agreeing to an imaginary "contract" with your significant other is always a little nerve wracking, that's why trust is a huge percentage of the transaction. Without trust in yourself and in your partner, your relationship is doomed. The imaginary contract is pretty much common sense: respect, no lies, no cheating and just be there for one another. That's pretty basic although sometimes things can get a little tangled, confusing or misinterpreted and we start looking into things to "protect" our relationship, or so we think we are protecting it.
It's really important to learn how to read situations and know which ones are a threat to you or not, although you have no control over your partner and that is important to understand.
What you have control over is YOU! what you have to offer and the life you create for the both of you. This is what I mean by knowing your worth, If someone wants to be with you, there are a million reasons why they made the commitment and some are unexplainable because it's a subconscious factor that links you to many different aspects that makes him feel alive when he's with you: Your scent, your aura, your voice, your skin. Basically, it's you and that's it.
With that said, there's no point in being the police with your other half because bottom line, if he or she wants to ruin things, the life you have, everything that is offered and given with love...well it's really on them. Yes, it hurts and yes you will survive. Just know you worth by being the best you can be for your partner and wish them to find someone like you again if they ever decide to cross the line. Life works in mysterious ways and there's no going around that, Karma is also a pretty sweet devious baby and the truth always comes out, no matter how hidden it wants to be.
Don't waste your time in looking for things that can go wrong or people that can come between the two of you. If you are in a hurtful situation, communication is the way to go but be careful to not create that situation yourself. If you truly trust your other half, you should own the serenity that they will not hurt you. Nothing and no one is more of a threat than yourself. It's not the easiest advice to go by but it does eliminate a lot of stress and anxiety.
There are certain things that are not meant to be known, in the time being. Certain details or missing pieces of a puzzle called "life" that do not want to be found. Everything relies on timing and trust. A kind of trust that you let your instinct be the boss of you. Women have a very high voltage, explosive, intuition. It's a little scary sometimes but so does men and that is the only thing you should go by when it comes to making your decisions; intuition and life.
I have about nine diaries that I've written for the last ten years of my life, I would be devastated if someone would ever read them, not because there are things that nobody on this planet knows but more because It's a written encyclopedia of all my emotions, feelings and thoughts that are probably sometimes assumed by the people around me...Although we all have secrets, don't we?
Once I left my diary open in my bedroom and my mom was picking up my laundry, when I realized that I had left it there, I rushed to grab it as if it were a timed bomb. My mom starred at me with a blank look on her face and sat me down. She told me something valuable that I'll never forget:
Her father used to read her diaries and she had felt so much pain and intrusion into her privacy that she decided she had to take action and bury her diaries by the sea where she grew up. Her regret was not only that she was scarred for life because someone had shattered her freedom but also that she had never been able to find them again...she lost them. That's when she said to me that even with the diary being open on the table, she would never even glance to read. She would never disrespect the right that I have, the right of having a silent voice to myself and also that I shouldn't do that to anyone.
Searching, digging, looking for information that you think you "need" to evaluate a person's loyalty or sincerity is not going to help you, if anything it'll destroy you.
First of all, things can get misinterpreted as in the context or the history between two individuals. Second, let's say you find something very infuriating...what are you going to say? "Hey I looked through your phone and found this...." the only thing you'll get out of it is looking psycho. Even if you keep it for yourself, can you imagine the pain, frustration and anxiety that will inflict on you? Third, you should trust the person you're with. It's not called denial just trust and if you don't, then you have another problem.
There is a beautiful law that the universe has put out there for us which is that everything comes out one day...one day or another a little detail will be that missing piece and enlighten you for the best or for the worst. Use what is given to you, don't steal from others privacy for what you think is for your well being.
The two times in my life where I had doubts about the individuals I had put my trust in, I had my answers served on a golden platter, right there for me to see without even trying, in time, I had my exit sign.
Things basically come naturally and that's what you have to believe. Be more powerful for yourself and to others to know whatever and whoever is meant to be, will be, or not, and that's okay.
Meeting someone is very much like an audition, you see the script and you just know you want the part! yes, you want the part in that person's life. Considering the competition, you learn your lines, clean up nice, slate your name hoping that wasn't already a deal breaker and put on a show. ACTION! your tactics assist you in the execution of your choices which are are driven by what you want and how you are going to get it-- acting 101. CUT---
I'm not saying that when you meet someone you are "acting", I'm comparing it to the same motion of "movements" and steps you will eventually go through to get a validation of this person's willingness to like you back and accept your "proposal".
At that moment, you know you got the part. Butterflies, fireworks....I mean you get the point.
Getting to know someone and making sure they'll agree to stay in this new relationship that you are taking day by day, let's just say there are things that you do in "excess" to charm them.
You know the texting 20 times a day, the invitations all week long, the kisses and affection are like similar to someone seeing a newborn and you make love like rabbits... if you didn't know any better you'd think you've been living in a cave for the past 15 years (If rabbits could live that long.)
Now you've been filming for a few weeks, you know for a fact that you have the part, you already know the whole crew, every morning you get on set around the same time...things are just becoming a little more comfortable and you're confident. This means that you let go a little.
This is often when I hear people say he/she used to love me but not anymore, miscommunication appear and sometimes breakups because of needing the same dynamic from the first day meeting. For instance, the texting, agreeing to everything, the high dosage romance...but these things are volatile, they are just substances over the water creating invisible barriers to what's really in the deep...feelings, organic moments, secrets, trust, pure love and especially feeling at home with someone where everything becomes natural..it's like my fart theory... A) you know you've reached that comfort level. B) if you still love him after that, you're in to win it. C) welcome to the official world of being in a relationship. Too soon? :)
You're not always going to be that person that you were when you first auditioned and that's because of the simple fact that you now have the things you wanted and you can "breathe" a little. It is often mistaken for not loving or caring anymore and it feels as you now have to adapt to a new love language that you didn't signed up for in the first place, or so you think.
Love evolves, changes and so do you in the process of falling in love, that comes with the contract...Not everyone will realistically treat you like their best victory every minute of the day...and Thank God...also, let's be honest you don't even do that with yourself!
Don't force someone to love you the way you thought they loved you because it might be an illusion that was fabricated by excitement, adrenaline, unknown, fear and joy of falling for someone the first time of all the first times . It's like love on drugs...Instead just accept the natural distance of you both living your lives within your life together.
You also have to be aware and not blinded by someone you love who might be treating less than you deserve or for granted. Now that's not love evolving or changing...that's just not being in the right relationship. We all lack sometimes at doing the right thing and at times, we mess up but that's life--Just never settle for someone who doesn't care.
Bottom line, it's okay to remember how he/she used to loved you and observe and understand how he/she loves you now and that's a beautiful thing.
Cheating is having the opportunity to do something bad that you wouldn't go to jail for. Isn't that just a treat? Well, it could cost you a lot of money if it results in a nasty divorce but it's the one thing that an individual has easy access for glorious sabotaging. In a instant, we forget what's important and we are blinded by physical ideals represented by another human being that are actually lies, perhaps a fantasy, a guilty pleasure or a sex addiction. The prize? Well, we usually lose everything we actually cared about-- at some point--because, no matter why or how you've cheated, the truth usually comes out.
He's been waking up next to her in the morning for awhile now, he knows what she looks like when she wakes up or when she gets ready to look pretty. The surprise is that there are no surprises. He knows the sound of her laugh and the warmth and every inches of her skin. He also remembers how she sets her hands on his body and loves the feel of it like it's her home...and he often thinks of the day they had passionate sex in the kitchen and also the moments where he just wants to hold her because it's peaceful. He remembers the way she looked at him the first time and every time her heart was screaming "I love you more than anything else in this world" and feels like he could tell her anything and she would always be there for him, he also remembers that day she rubbed his back because he got a little too drunk and still loved him as much as she does when he's handsome and healthy...or when her head is laying on his chest when they're watching movies and she feels safe with him and wouldn't trade anywhere in the world than being buried in his perfect arms.
One day, this girl comes along, pretty and confident or at least you think she is...She is going to sit next to you and you are going to smell her perfume that you've never smelled before. Her face is like an unknown map, even though you wouldn't really want to get to know her...you are sexually attracted by the unpredictable unknown. She looks at you, smiles and shares a few words with you when all of sudden, very calculated, she puts her hand on yours and that touch electrifies you because you haven't felt the inches of another throbbing skin on your skin. She's going to pretend to understand your humor and play a game that you haven't played in a long time. Oh, the game...
You are going to let your fatal attraction get the best of you and prove yourself how you still perform by hearing the pitch of moaning and screams of this stranger you've never heard before...
Once it's all done with and you think you're satisfied, you are going to look back at her and realize that she doesn't fit into your arms like your girlfriend does and you wouldn't want to hold her because you wouldn't be comfortable being vulnerable to this girl. She looks at you like a transaction, just another man that fed her desires and is secretly happy that she manipulated you to bed and didn't have a care in the world if you had a girlfriend because she was also cheated on once upon a time. All of this...for this.
The perfect relationship you destroyed in a few minutes or hours is something that you have been looking for, that you wanted and created.
Everyone wants to have that one person that knows everything about who you are and accepts you for all of it. Laughs at all your jokes and knows your pains, your fears, your joys and your kindness. The depth of love you can receive from a significant other can be so rare that it is worth thinking twice on your actions; are they really worth it? The fact that you know everything about your girlfriend and that sometimes you go through phases where you both need to revive the relationship is what relationships are all about. Laying next to someone you love, trust and day by day building a life has much more value than a glimpse of what you think is unknown but in reality you know exactly how you are going to feel afterwards-- disgusted. That stranger is at the end of the day, not your girlfriend, who loves you deeply, who you thought you wanted to run away from for a moment and realize all that you want is her. She will probably find out and will never look at you, love you and touch you the same way...everything will be different when you wish it could go back to being the same: The surprise of no surprises.
just to be clear, these roles can easily be reversed. There are women out there that are capable of cheating as well and changing a man forever. A perfectly good one, and that is unforgivable.
I have been cheated on many times and the pain is unnecessary, destructive and turns you into another human being...the person who deliberately hurts you, takes away your innocence.
I hear guys say that ALL the girls cheat...The generation is switching where women are having a bit more pleasure sabotaging because of a vicious cycle where they were once a victim as well.
A woman that loves you in the purest way will not cheat on you. That's the truth and it is that simple.
There is still pure, genuine, trustworthy love delivered by good souls...It's a matter of a bond, trust and comfort with someone that just feels right. Don't destroy that. Men and women cheat for different reasons... Men is manly physical attraction, women is malicious and testing their relationships on very different levels.
Bottom line, if you love and you are in a healthy long term relationship that is sometimes "boring"...well, good for you! what you call "boring" is actually forgetting that you are in a relationship because you are so comfortable...some lonely people would pay to be bored and have someone they can call their "home."