There are certain things that are not meant to be known, in the time being. Certain details or missing pieces of a puzzle called "life" that do not want to be found. Everything relies on timing and trust. A kind of trust that you let your instinct be the boss of you. Women have a very high voltage, explosive, intuition. It's a little scary sometimes but so does men and that is the only thing you should go by when it comes to making your decisions; intuition and life.
I have about nine diaries that I've written for the last ten years of my life, I would be devastated if someone would ever read them, not because there are things that nobody on this planet knows but more because It's a written encyclopedia of all my emotions, feelings and thoughts that are probably sometimes assumed by the people around me...Although we all have secrets, don't we?
Once I left my diary open in my bedroom and my mom was picking up my laundry, when I realized that I had left it there, I rushed to grab it as if it were a timed bomb. My mom starred at me with a blank look on her face and sat me down. She told me something valuable that I'll never forget:
Her father used to read her diaries and she had felt so much pain and intrusion into her privacy that she decided she had to take action and bury her diaries by the sea where she grew up. Her regret was not only that she was scarred for life because someone had shattered her freedom but also that she had never been able to find them again...she lost them. That's when she said to me that even with the diary being open on the table, she would never even glance to read. She would never disrespect the right that I have, the right of having a silent voice to myself and also that I shouldn't do that to anyone.
Searching, digging, looking for information that you think you "need" to evaluate a person's loyalty or sincerity is not going to help you, if anything it'll destroy you.
First of all, things can get misinterpreted as in the context or the history between two individuals. Second, let's say you find something very infuriating...what are you going to say? "Hey I looked through your phone and found this...." the only thing you'll get out of it is looking psycho. Even if you keep it for yourself, can you imagine the pain, frustration and anxiety that will inflict on you? Third, you should trust the person you're with. It's not called denial just trust and if you don't, then you have another problem.
There is a beautiful law that the universe has put out there for us which is that everything comes out one day...one day or another a little detail will be that missing piece and enlighten you for the best or for the worst. Use what is given to you, don't steal from others privacy for what you think is for your well being.
The two times in my life where I had doubts about the individuals I had put my trust in, I had my answers served on a golden platter, right there for me to see without even trying, in time, I had my exit sign.
Things basically come naturally and that's what you have to believe. Be more powerful for yourself and to others to know whatever and whoever is meant to be, will be, or not, and that's okay.
Meeting someone is very much like an audition, you see the script and you just know you want the part! yes, you want the part in that person's life. Considering the competition, you learn your lines, clean up nice, slate your name hoping that wasn't already a deal breaker and put on a show. ACTION! your tactics assist you in the execution of your choices which are are driven by what you want and how you are going to get it-- acting 101. CUT---
I'm not saying that when you meet someone you are "acting", I'm comparing it to the same motion of "movements" and steps you will eventually go through to get a validation of this person's willingness to like you back and accept your "proposal".
At that moment, you know you got the part. Butterflies, fireworks....I mean you get the point.
Getting to know someone and making sure they'll agree to stay in this new relationship that you are taking day by day, let's just say there are things that you do in "excess" to charm them.
You know the texting 20 times a day, the invitations all week long, the kisses and affection are like similar to someone seeing a newborn and you make love like rabbits... if you didn't know any better you'd think you've been living in a cave for the past 15 years (If rabbits could live that long.)
Now you've been filming for a few weeks, you know for a fact that you have the part, you already know the whole crew, every morning you get on set around the same time...things are just becoming a little more comfortable and you're confident. This means that you let go a little.
This is often when I hear people say he/she used to love me but not anymore, miscommunication appear and sometimes breakups because of needing the same dynamic from the first day meeting. For instance, the texting, agreeing to everything, the high dosage romance...but these things are volatile, they are just substances over the water creating invisible barriers to what's really in the deep...feelings, organic moments, secrets, trust, pure love and especially feeling at home with someone where everything becomes natural..it's like my fart theory... A) you know you've reached that comfort level. B) if you still love him after that, you're in to win it. C) welcome to the official world of being in a relationship. Too soon? :)
You're not always going to be that person that you were when you first auditioned and that's because of the simple fact that you now have the things you wanted and you can "breathe" a little. It is often mistaken for not loving or caring anymore and it feels as you now have to adapt to a new love language that you didn't signed up for in the first place, or so you think.
Love evolves, changes and so do you in the process of falling in love, that comes with the contract...Not everyone will realistically treat you like their best victory every minute of the day...and Thank God...also, let's be honest you don't even do that with yourself!
Don't force someone to love you the way you thought they loved you because it might be an illusion that was fabricated by excitement, adrenaline, unknown, fear and joy of falling for someone the first time of all the first times . It's like love on drugs...Instead just accept the natural distance of you both living your lives within your life together.
You also have to be aware and not blinded by someone you love who might be treating less than you deserve or for granted. Now that's not love evolving or changing...that's just not being in the right relationship. We all lack sometimes at doing the right thing and at times, we mess up but that's life--Just never settle for someone who doesn't care.
Bottom line, it's okay to remember how he/she used to loved you and observe and understand how he/she loves you now and that's a beautiful thing.
Cheating is having the opportunity to do something bad that you wouldn't go to jail for. Isn't that just a treat? Well, it could cost you a lot of money if it results in a nasty divorce but it's the one thing that an individual has easy access for glorious sabotaging. In a instant, we forget what's important and we are blinded by physical ideals represented by another human being that are actually lies, perhaps a fantasy, a guilty pleasure or a sex addiction. The prize? Well, we usually lose everything we actually cared about-- at some point--because, no matter why or how you've cheated, the truth usually comes out.
He's been waking up next to her in the morning for awhile now, he knows what she looks like when she wakes up or when she gets ready to look pretty. The surprise is that there are no surprises. He knows the sound of her laugh and the warmth and every inches of her skin. He also remembers how she sets her hands on his body and loves the feel of it like it's her home...and he often thinks of the day they had passionate sex in the kitchen and also the moments where he just wants to hold her because it's peaceful. He remembers the way she looked at him the first time and every time her heart was screaming "I love you more than anything else in this world" and feels like he could tell her anything and she would always be there for him, he also remembers that day she rubbed his back because he got a little too drunk and still loved him as much as she does when he's handsome and healthy...or when her head is laying on his chest when they're watching movies and she feels safe with him and wouldn't trade anywhere in the world than being buried in his perfect arms.
One day, this girl comes along, pretty and confident or at least you think she is...She is going to sit next to you and you are going to smell her perfume that you've never smelled before. Her face is like an unknown map, even though you wouldn't really want to get to know her...you are sexually attracted by the unpredictable unknown. She looks at you, smiles and shares a few words with you when all of sudden, very calculated, she puts her hand on yours and that touch electrifies you because you haven't felt the inches of another throbbing skin on your skin. She's going to pretend to understand your humor and play a game that you haven't played in a long time. Oh, the game...
You are going to let your fatal attraction get the best of you and prove yourself how you still perform by hearing the pitch of moaning and screams of this stranger you've never heard before...
Once it's all done with and you think you're satisfied, you are going to look back at her and realize that she doesn't fit into your arms like your girlfriend does and you wouldn't want to hold her because you wouldn't be comfortable being vulnerable to this girl. She looks at you like a transaction, just another man that fed her desires and is secretly happy that she manipulated you to bed and didn't have a care in the world if you had a girlfriend because she was also cheated on once upon a time. All of this...for this.
The perfect relationship you destroyed in a few minutes or hours is something that you have been looking for, that you wanted and created.
Everyone wants to have that one person that knows everything about who you are and accepts you for all of it. Laughs at all your jokes and knows your pains, your fears, your joys and your kindness. The depth of love you can receive from a significant other can be so rare that it is worth thinking twice on your actions; are they really worth it? The fact that you know everything about your girlfriend and that sometimes you go through phases where you both need to revive the relationship is what relationships are all about. Laying next to someone you love, trust and day by day building a life has much more value than a glimpse of what you think is unknown but in reality you know exactly how you are going to feel afterwards-- disgusted. That stranger is at the end of the day, not your girlfriend, who loves you deeply, who you thought you wanted to run away from for a moment and realize all that you want is her. She will probably find out and will never look at you, love you and touch you the same way...everything will be different when you wish it could go back to being the same: The surprise of no surprises.
just to be clear, these roles can easily be reversed. There are women out there that are capable of cheating as well and changing a man forever. A perfectly good one, and that is unforgivable.
I have been cheated on many times and the pain is unnecessary, destructive and turns you into another human being...the person who deliberately hurts you, takes away your innocence.
I hear guys say that ALL the girls cheat...The generation is switching where women are having a bit more pleasure sabotaging because of a vicious cycle where they were once a victim as well.
A woman that loves you in the purest way will not cheat on you. That's the truth and it is that simple.
There is still pure, genuine, trustworthy love delivered by good souls...It's a matter of a bond, trust and comfort with someone that just feels right. Don't destroy that. Men and women cheat for different reasons... Men is manly physical attraction, women is malicious and testing their relationships on very different levels.
Bottom line, if you love and you are in a healthy long term relationship that is sometimes "boring"...well, good for you! what you call "boring" is actually forgetting that you are in a relationship because you are so comfortable...some lonely people would pay to be bored and have someone they can call their "home."